How I Would Make a World of Goo Medley

I'd like to break my intermittent vow of silence on this blog to talk about Kyle Gabler's World of Goo Soundtrack. If you haven't heard of the soundtrack, go here. If you haven't heard of the game, go here (though you could just as easily googled it yourself).

If you've played World of Goo, you'll know that the soundtrack adds to the game in a very alimental way. There are influences from Elfman, Zimmer, and other great movie composers, and artistic influences from Tim Burton. You should really just play it; you don't have to be a gamer to enjoy video games after all. (The specific nuances and annoyances surrounding this stereotype are not something I'll go into right now.)

Sometime along the line, I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a medley of these great songs? A fluid piece of music that celebrated Kyle Gabler's music." Well, turns out, someone did perform a medley of the soundtrack, and put it on YouTube... but he left out a lot. And the themes of each piece don't exactly segue into each other nicely. If you were to lean back, close your eyes, and listen to it, you could push a button every time the musical selection changed. A proper medley should have similar themes for each selection, and gradually change as the song progressed.

Unfortunately, I lack the musical skill necessary to arrange and perform my own medley, but I can tell everyone else how I would do it myself. This is the order in which I selected tracks from the soundtrack and arranged them in foobar2000 to play after another:

• 02. The Goo-Filled Hills

Imagine: you entered a concert hall. You hear something about a video game and a medley. You sit back, waiting for disaster. To ease the casual listener, the medley starts with a simple, relaxing piece that introduces the theme of innocence. It's a short piece, so it opens the way for the real theme song of World of Goo:

• 01. World of Goo Beginning

And then, immediately afterwords:

• 10. Tumbler

The above two sound so obviously similar that they just have to come next to each other in a medley. It would be disruptive if they didn't. But Tumbler ends differently then World of Goo Beginning. It has a longer, more easing end. Which leads to the next track:

• 09. Jelly

The soft strings would ease up in volume, and the fast-paced accordians in Tumbler would segue into the fast-paced strings in Jelly.

Now, the next two are more of a toss-up, but the order I chose was:

• 08. Rain Rain Windy Windy
• 04. Another Mysterious Pipe Appeared

What is going on so far is a gradual transition from soft, innocent-sounding instruments, to hard, bold instruments. Strings are prominent in the first tracks, and organs and horns become the more prominent instruments later on. The next track takes this all the way with:

• 03. Brave Adventurers

One of the themes of World of Goo is a progress from innocence to progress, and the increase of stress and disharmony as a result. The next track fits perfectly with this view:

• 14. Happy New Year (tm) Brought to You By Product Z

At this point, the medley takes on a more event-driven mood. Think of it like this: with bold, disharmonious dreams comes spiritual awakening:

• 07. Threadcutter

...and with it, hard labor and devotion and sacrifice:

• 13. Cog in the Machine

Of course, when arranging the songs, I wanted the songs to progress roughly by the order in which they were encountered: Threadcutter is the overworld theme of Chapter 2, and Cog in the Machine is the overworld theme of Chapter 3. There's one last song that occurs early on that I had to stick in here, because there was no other place to put it:

• 06. Regurgitation Pumping Station

I suppose it could refer to the general deterioration of the spirit with hard work. Or something like that.

• 17. Years of Work

This is one of those mid-medley pauses that releases the tension of the piece. It's the overworld theme of Chapter 4. The part where all the progress has paid off. The tension of RPS pays off in a metaphorical "look out on the horizon, this is what's been done."

Well, okay, I don't how I choose an order. But since Chapter 4 hosts a whole new series of specifically tailored musical pieces, this is a nice piece to start the second half with. After this piece comes its thematic counterpoint:

• 15. Welcome to the Information Superhighway

And, in my mind, the next piece would sound so perfect after this one:

• 11. Screamer

Again, sound-similar songs should go next to each other in a medley. That's one of the few things you can learn from Nico Nico Douga without learning Japanese.

• 16. Graphic Processing Unit

This song starts on the same notes that Screamer ended on, so it forms a natural bridge. The next song uses similar-sounding instruments:

• 20. Inside the Big Computer

And then, with the same mood but different instruments:

• 12. Burning Man

I quickly dispose of order of first appearance if it sounds nice.

So, back to similar instruments with a slightly different mood:

• 20. Are You Coming Home, Love MOM

And now, for a song to use that same mood to pull us out of Gloomville (where the grass is dead, the old folks are dead, and your car battery is dead) and take us in a different direction:

• 25. Red Carpet Extend-o-matic

After that piece has pumped us up, one final piece to optimize us before the final themes are played:

• 23. The Last of the Goo Balls and the Telescope

Now, the optimistic theme of rejuvenation after sacrifice (or something like that, figure it out yourself after playing the game), and the second-to-last piece of music that you hear in the game (well, third-to-last if you include the credits):

• 24. Best of Times

At this point, it's time to revisit the old themes, and wrap things up:

• 22. Ode to the Bridge Builder
• 27. World of Goo Ending

That last track I always imagine would be more kickass in the concert hall, as there would more instruments, performing all the little themes that appeared throughout the medley, while the central theme blares above it, ending in a magnificent and satisfying closing.

Well, maybe someone "out there" will get inspired and tell me about this. In the meantime, feel free to arrange this in your own media player and save the playlist. Hope this entertains you as much as it entertains me.

Reactions to Stravinsky's Rite of Spring

I just watched the Rite of Spring sequence from Fantasia on YouTube. I hadn't watched it for years. Back when I was a kid, I just thought it was some cool sequence of things getting blown up and dinosaurs getting killed.

So, when I watched the creation of Earth, I didn't see volcanoes blowing up, I saw a massive wave of lava being vomitted by the Earth. I never appreciated the disharmonious music, either, but seeing and hearing the two really brought up feelings of nausea.

Then I got to the evolution. I never knew what that ink stain that covered up the fields of paramecium and ocean jungles was. I just assumed it was "a fog of evil" and moved on. It's funny how as a kid, I could just ignore anything threatening or evil. I suppose that's what people mean when they say children are innocent.

And the music. Oy. It was just boring music that accompanied the video. I never thought of it being the main purpose of ANY of the pieces. And the woodwinds during the pterodactyl dives. That was the epitome of it. The Rite of Spring was originally a ballet. The ballet's also on YouTube, but I have to write this down first.

So now I get to the third section. I was largely ignorant of death until middle school, and even then I ignored death until high school. It wasn't a weighty subject for me. Back then, people didn't die; things died. Those dinosaurs were things. Playthings. The Earth was the god. Smiting them to the ground, ripping up their bones in an earthquake. All I could think of was how awesome it would be to an earth god.

Ahem. But as a more mature human being, I realize that death, especially undeserved death, and cold disrespect are among the leading producers of human emotion. Here we have dinosaurs who are starving. They just want some food, Earth! Why did you have to be so cruel? And then, after all the dinosaurs have coalesced into a graveyard, the Earth just has to rip it apart. Have you no respect for the dead, Earth?

So, to summarize. Back then, stuff blowing up. Earth is awesome. Now, death and destruction. Earth sucks. That's the price we pay for sophistication.

Or is it?

P.S.: I should also watch the rest of Fantasia. I might be surprised what other reactions I get.

Also, happy 127th birthday, Stravinsky.

Pet Tamers, Episode 4

I realize that I have a tendency to dramatize, so taking everything back into a comedic route...

PET TAMERS

EPISODE 4: Call of Duty

FADE IN to the BLACK HOUSE. The TWO GANGSTERS from the last episode show up.

GANGSTER 1: All right. I'll do the talking.

GANGSTER 2: And I'll hold the guns.

GANGSTER 1: Ha ha. No. You'll back me up, in case something goes wrong.

GANGSTER 2: Right.

GANGSTER 1 walks up to the door and knocks. No response. GANGSTER 1 knocks again, and the door swings open. A BLACK-COATED GANGSTER ushers them in.

GANGSTER 1: Where's the leader? We've got some...

The BLACK-COATED GANGSTER and ANOTHER simultaneously grab GANGSTERS 1 and 2, gag them, bind their hands, and throw them to the ground.

B-C GANGSTER: Sorry, folks, we're about to take a trip.

ANOTHER: But you're welcome to stay and make yourselves comfortable. Heh heh heh.

(ANOTHER lights up a cigarette, to show us he's evil)

ANOTHER: Take them upstairs. Throw them in with the girl. We'll deal with them after our raid.

(B-C GANGSTER drags the men upstairs, while SEVERAL OTHER THUGS carrying guns and duffel bags join ANOTHER)

ANOTHER: Come on. We've got a GREEN PEACEFUL INDUSTRY to terrorize!

(The BLACK-COATED GANGSTERS run out the door and pile into their truck. They hide off, laughing hideously)

CUT to one of the kids' homes. We still don't care whose.

JASON: I checked her home and asked everyone. No one knows where she is.

SHANA: I last saw her talking with her friend Chelsea.

CHRIS: You think she got kidnapped?

JASON: Let's not jump to conclusions. Maggie is too tough to get kidnapped so easily.

CHRIS: That's how these things always turn out. I mean, she's pretty. She's smart. There's probably some guy who's picked her off the street, drove her off to some abandoned mine, and then...

JASON: Let's not get gruesome, here.

PETE (beeping coming from his handheld, which so happens to be a wireless communicator): I've got a message from Chelsea.

JASON: You do? What's she say?

PETE: She says she's trying to get in touch with Maggie, and if she found her cat along the school.

JASON: Her cat! So that's what she's up to. I met with her before class, and she said she brought her cat to school. I bet she lost it and now she's looking for it.

CHRIS: I think you're the one who's jumping to conclusions now.

JASON: We'd better go check around the school and find her cat. Wherever her cat is, she'll be there too.

(as everyone rushes to the door) CHRIS: How come everyone listens to you, but not me?

CUT back to the BLACK HOUSE. ZOOM into the attic.

MAGGIE is gagged and tied to a chair. GANGSTERS 1 and 2 are gagged and tied back-to-back to chairs. LUCY is in a cage on top of a small table.

(LUCY mews pitifully)

(MAGGIE mutters loudly at LUCY under the gag)

(LUCY leaps against the cage, causing the table to tip slightly)

(MAGGIE gets unoriginal idea, mutters loudly again at LUCY)

(LUCY bangs again against the cage, and the table rocks precariously)

(MAGGIE jiggles her head excitedly as dramatic music swells)

(LUCY jumps against the cage, the table tips over, and the cage smashes open as it hits the ground)

(GANGSTER 1 snores)

CUT to outside the BLACK HOUSE. JASON, CHRIS, SHANA, and PETE are walking along the sidewalk.

CHRIS: Shouldn't we split up so we can cover more ground?

JASON: No. I am certain we will find her more easily if we all work together.

CHRIS: There's "working together", and there's "walking together". One is not necessarily the other.

SHANA: Look up there! (pointing to the window of the BLACK HOUSE, where LUCY is sitting)

JASON: It's Maggie's cat! Maggie must be inside that building!

(everyone but CHRIS rushes to the door)

CHRIS: Wait, you're not just going to run in, are you?

(JASON, SHANA and PETE throw open the door and run in)

HIDDEN GANGSTER (jumps out and blocks the stairs): Hey! Where do you think you kids are going?

JASON: Uh oh... you guys have a plan?

(PETE lights up, reaches into his backpack, and pulls out his hamster BALDWIN. PETE pulls out his whistle, blows, and BALDWIN TRANSFORMS into a BEAR)

HIDDEN: What the... Aaaah!! (as BALDWIN growls and leaps onto him)

JASON (To PETE): Pete! Take care of him while Shana and I go upstairs!

PETE (watching an offscreen BALDWIN): Yeah! Oh! Ughh! Ooh! Whoa! Awesome!

(JASON and SHANA rush upstairs to the attic and throw open the door)

JASON: Maggie! Thank goodness!

(Both GANGSTERS look up in surprise and make muffled shouts)

JASON (as he ungags MAGGIE): Are you okay, Maggie? Tell us what happened!

MAGGIE (gasps): I'm fine. I was looking for Lucy (she picks up LUCY), and I saw her go in. But then these gangsters grabbed me and threw me up here.

JASON: Let's get out of here before they come back!

MAGGIE: Well, I heard them say they were going out to Green Peaceful Industries, and that's on the other side of town, so we'll probably have...

JASON: Green Peaceful Industries? They're the most eco-friendly company in the entire city! We have to save them!

SHANA: We do?

MAGGIE: Yeah, should we? This isn't really part of our business. I found Lucy, you saved me, why don't we just head home?

JASON: Remember what the old man told us? We have been given a mission to save the world. We have to do whatever we can to help. Even if it means crossing the entire city.

MAGGIE: Crossing the city is not the main issue. They left half an hour ago in a car. How could we catch up with them on foot?

JASON (ponders): Hmmm.

(The two GANGSTERS pound against their seats)

JASON: Shana, how much weight do you think your bird could carry?

SHANA: What do you mean?

JASON: Let's hurry out and I'll explain. Hurry!

(JASON, MAGGIE, and SHANA run out)

GANGSTERS: Mmffhhh-mmhhh!!

CUT to the exterior of GREEN PEACEFUL INDUSTRIES. The gang's pickup-truck drives up.

ANOTHER: All right, guys. Let's start vandalizing!

B-C GANGSTER: How do we do that?

ANOTHER: You know. Spray-paint the walls, axe the cars... (pulls up a beer bottle with a rag through the neck) Torch the building to the ground!

(GANGSTERS laugh devilishly)

CUT to the SKY. CHEE is flying, largely than was seen in the last episode. JASON is riding CHEE by her talons, hanging on with one hand. JASON holds LUCY, BALDWIN, and CHRIS'S LIZARD in the other hand.

CLOSEUP on JASON'S HEAD.

JASON'S VOICE (echoing): Chee can only carry one of us. I have to do it myself.

CHRIS'S VOICE (echoing): Fine. This was your crazy idea anyway.

JASON'S VOICE (echoing): Quiet! You're ruining my internal monologue!

PAN to behind CHEE and JASON. The GREEN PEACEFUL INDUSTRIES building looms ahead.

CUT to the INDUSTRIES exterior. The gangsters light their bottles. But then...

RANDOM BLACK COAT (pointing and with a deep drawling voice): 'Ey, what's that?

As CHEE flies overhead, JASON pulls up a whistle, releases LUCY and blows it. Unfortunately, it was not Lucy's whistle, but Chris's whistle. CHRIS'S LIZARD TRANSFORMS INTO DINOSAUR.

SAME RANDOM BLACK COAT: Aa- (gets flattened by DINOSAUR'S foot)

CUT to DINOSAUR'S BACK. CHEE and JASON have been flattened against its back, but they are still perfectly okay. Just to show it, JASON gets up and slides down DINOSAUR'S back.

JASON: Get 'em, Chris's dinosaur!

B-C GANGSTER: Wh--who is that kid? Get 'em!

THUGS run up behind JASON. But JASON flashes his eyes in their direction, pulls up Lucy's real whistle, and blows. LUCY, who is also perfectly okay even though we did not see her land, TRANSFORMS INTO PANTHER. LUCY leaps up and takes the THUGS out.

MORE THUGS (throwing the lighted bottles): Heh heh heh!

JASON: Chee! Grab those bottles!

CHEE leaps off DINOSAUR'S back and flies to the bottles. CHEE grabs the nearest bottle and flings it back, then grabs another bottle and flings it back, et cetera.

The flaming bottles land near the GANGSTERS, who make appropriate brutish cries of despair. One of the bottles hits the truck, and it spontaneously bursts into flames.

The GANGSTERS scatter in panic.

B-C GANGSTER (defiantly screaming): Come back here, cowards! We're not finished yet!

(ANOTHER tries to sneak up on JASON, but DINOSAUR's tail flicks him away)

B-C GANGSTER (to JASON): You! Boy!

(JASON turns dramatically to B-C)

B-C GANGSTER: This won't be the end of it! My men will be back! We will find you! And we will fatally destroy you!

(LUCY stands, poised, glaring at B-C. But BALDWIN hasn't fought yet, so JASON pulls up BALDWIN'S whistle, blows, and in a flash of light BALDWIN becomes a bear and leaps on B-C)

(JASON stands, surveying the damage. Thugs litter the area, but all bloodlessly and without any visible carnage. GREEN PEACEFUL INDUSTRIES is untouched)

(DINOSAUR, LUCY, and BALDWIN revert to their normal pet selves. JASON scoops them up.)

(As the dramatic music swells, police sirens blare in the distance. JASON looks up to CHEE, who is still a giant falcon)

JASON: Come on, Chee. Let's go home.

(JASON grabs CHEE and takes off, while the police cars file into the parking lot. JASON and CHEE ride into sunset, dramatic music hits its climax, fade to credits)

And that is where we end. The fate of those two other GANGSTERS is left completely unresolved. Until next episode...

Pet Tamers, Episode 3

So I was strolling through TV Tropes, and I realized the last episode(s) was/were on the verge of MSTing. Not the sort of attitude I had in mind for this. So I'll be focusing on a character besides Chris this time:

PET TAMERS

EPISODE 3: Thieves and Kids

TV BROADCASTER: Police are still investigating the case of the mysterious dinosaur which destroyed Swaggert Tower and part of Chesterwood Park last Thursday. Police are baffled not only by its sudden appearance, but also by the near-total lack of civilian casualties.

EYEWITNESS: I was just... sitting in the park, and then these bulldozers roll up, and I... I just start running, and the next thing I know, there's a T-rex crushing a building.

TV BROADCASTER: Adding to the confusion are unconfirmed reports of wild animals apparently assisting in the destruction. No local zoos report any missing animals, but scientists say, these reports probably mean nothing.

SCIENTIST: There is a tendency among eyewitnesses to... exaggerate certain events, especially events that are odd or... fantastic to begin with. I think a... whatever it was, probably caused a lot of confusion, and lead to rationalizations that, perhaps these were ordinary wild animals instead of a dinosaur.

TV BROADCASTER: Despite the improbability or the impossibility, pictures of the giant creature and videos all independently show the same thing: a real-life Godzilla. But how could such a monster exist?

SCIENTIST: They say the universe is stranger than we can imagine, and... for this, I'm inclined to agree.

TV BROADCASTER: Experts still can't come up with a reasonable explanation for the monster, but they tell everyone to relax.

SCIENTIST: It didn't cause a massive amount of damage, and... We've had one impossible thing happen to the city, and frankly, I think that's plenty.

TV BROADCASTER: From WSQR, I'm Paula Sandberg.

(TV turns off, cut outward to see a dark room, where the TV is at the end of a long table)

GANGSTER 1: A dinosaur, in this city... can you imagine?

GANGSTER 2: Who needs to imagine it, when they've got pictures?

LEADER: Do you two know what sort of deeds we could accomplish if we got our hands on that dinosaur? The whole city would be at our knees with that monster on our side.

GANGSTER 1: But it disappeared as quickly as it showed up.

LEADER: Exactly. Which means it's still out there.

GANGSTER 2: I... don't follow.

LEADER: It's simple. All of a sudden, a dinosaur pops outta nowhere. Then all of a sudden, it's gone. That dinosaur's gonna come back. It's gonna reek more mayhem. What I want you two to do is find out where it went, and where it's gonna appear next.

GANGSTER 1: But how are we supposed to find it if it's disappeared?

LEADER: Listen, buds. There's an explanation for all this, I know it. I feel it. Stuff like this don't just spring up from nowhere. Find out what happened at that park, what that monster was doing, anything outta the ordinary. Question witnesses, steal evidence, anything. If anyone else gets their hands on that giant lizard, consider yourselves dead. You understand?

GANGSTER 2: No, sir.

GANGSTER 1: But we'll get on it, sir.

LEADER: Don't disappoint me.

CUT to the high school. Zoom into windows and FADE to hallway with lockers.

MAGGIE (before closing a locker): Okay, Lucy, be quiet while I'm gone, okay.

JASON: What are you doing?

MAGGIE: (wheeling around) Oh, uh...

JASON: Did you just put your cat in your locker?

MAGGIE: It's a long story.

JASON: Tell me.

MAGGIE: My parents are allergic to cats. I know what they'd say to me, if I asked if I could bring a cat home.

JASON: So you're keeping it here?

MAGGIE: Yeah. I guess it wasn't a long story.

JASON: But don't you realize that pets are not allowed on the school grounds?

MAGGIE: Yes, but what else can I do?

JASON (looking straight at the camera): I'd suggest that you talk with your parents and compromise on a solution that works well for everyone.

MAGGIE: Dang, when did you become such a pr--(MAGGIE conveniently enters a classroom and slams a door at this point)

CUT to a clock. No real reason, except to show that time has passed.

TEACHER (offscreen): And that's how the endoplasmic reticulum absorbs cellular phlogiston for the vitalization of microcosmic vehicular combustion.

MAGGIE: Dang, does our teacher know anything about science?

GIRL (whose name is CHELSEA): He lost me a while back, too; how come we get the toughest teacher in the whole school, while everyone else gets -

TEACHER: Chelsea, no talking in class. Now, the procedure of dynamic reformation (more vaguely sciency stuff)-

MAGGIE (whispers): Say, Chelsea, would you like a cat?

CHELSEA (whipsers): A cat? You have a cat?

MAGGIE: I got her a couple days ago, but my parents won't let me keep her. She's yours if you want her...

CHELSEA: Where is she?

MAGGIE: In my locker.

CHELSEA: You keep a cat in your -- Je(teacher's chalk conveniently snaps at this point), if they still had hall monitors around, you'd be dead.

MAGGIE: What did they do with the hall monitors?

CHELSEA: Remember when half the rules were let go last week? The hall Naz(teacher's chalk conveniently squeaks at this point)'s went with them.

MAGGIE: Well, that's good. (pause) I wonder if I should go check on Lucy...

CHELSEA: You mean, your cat? Right now?

MAGGIE: Yeah. I have this strange feeling something might be wrong with her.

CHELSEA: It's only 15 minutes till class lets out.

MAGGIE (speaking up): Mr. Winchester, could I use the restroom?

MR. WINCHESTER: Huh? Sure, just don't take too long.

MAGGIE: Thanks.

(MAGGIE gets up and heads to the hallway. She does not pick up the restroom pass, because there is no restroom pass.)

(She walks to her locker, which is ominously half-open. She opens it and gasps.)

(Lucy is still in the locker. But, seeing Maggie open the locker gives Lucy an idea, and she leaps out of the locker and into the hallway.)

MAGGIE (loud enough to scream but quiet enough not to attract attention): Hey, wait! Lucy! Stop! Come back here!

FADE to the school with lots of kids outside; school's out.

CHELSEA: She's gone? Are you sure?

MAGGIE: I looked up and down the whole school. Even the parts they were planning to tear down! But I can't find her anywhere.

CHELSEA: Did you check with the office? Someone must have noticed a cat running around.

MAGGIE: I can't let them know I had a cat at school! What am I going to do?

CHELSEA: Maybe it got outside and ran off somewhere. You go look around the school, and I'll take a look inside.

MAGGIE: Thanks a bunch. Meet back here in an hour, okay?

CHELSEA: By the way, do you want your biology stuff? You sort of left them in class when you ran off.

MAGGIE (running off): I don't care. I have to find Lucy!

CHELSEA: Okay... (starts up steps and stops) Hey, Maggie! What does your cat look like?

(no response; Maggie is too far away. She must be a good runner or something. Yeah, she's in the tennis team. That's it. Tennis players are good at running, aren't they?)

CUT to CHESTERWOOD PARK. Police tape covers the ruined section of the park. The GANGSTERS from before are still wearing their gangster outfits.

GANGSTER 2: Nothin'. They must've cleared this place out soon as that monster left.

GANGSTER 1: Keep searching. We can't go back empty-handed.

GANGSTER 2: There's just footprints and stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.

GANGSTER 1: Let's think things through. Last afternoon, a dinosaur came up out of nowhere, destroyed this part of the park and some buildings. Let's think, why?

GANGSTER 2: Why what? Why it went smashing stuff? That's what dinosaurs do, you know.

GANGSTER 1: No, hold on. There were plenty of buildings it could have destroyed, but it only destroyed one. Which one was that?

GANGSTER 2: Well, if I remember right... Swaggert Tower.

GANGSTER 1: And who owns Swaggert Tower?

GANGSTER 2: Swaggert Incorporated, of course.

GANGSTER 1: And who do we know has an ongoing grudge against Swaggert Incorporated?

GANGSTER 2: You don't think this was an inside job, do you?

GANGSTER 1: No, not an inside job. I think one of our rivals committed this, specifically the Blackcoats.

GANGSTER 2: Isn't that what an inside job is?

GANGSTER 1: No, idiot. This is what's known as "something the Blackcoats did".

GANGSTER 2: So... so are we done searching?

GANGSTER 1: No. Now we have to play diplomacy. (leaves)

GANGSTER 2: Wait. Where are we going?

GANGSTER 1: To the Black House.

CUT to a BLACK HOUSE. Painted black, with boarded up windows. It looks condemned... but it's not.

MAGGIE: Lucy! Where are you? Please tell me you're here.

(LUCY meows from the window)

MAGGIE: Lucy! Come down from there!

(LUCY jumps into MAGGIE'S arms, to her great relief... just kidding. LUCY jumps through the boarded windows and into the building)

MAGGIE: No! Lucy! Come back!

(MAGGIE runs to the door and tries to open it, but the door is locked)

VOICE 1: What the?!

VOICE 2: Get that cat!

(meowing from inside. MAGGIE, frantic, bends over to the windowsill and peers in)

(inside, several men in silhouette try to grab LUCY, who mews loudly)

MAGGIE (ignoring the men): Lucy!

VOICE 2: What... that girl! Get her!

(the door flies open, and several men in brutish attire run out and grab her legs)

MAGGIE: No! (MAGGIE reaches into her pocket and grabs her whistle. She brings it to her lips and blows hard... just kidding again. The gangsters yank her away, she drops the whistle and braces herself from impact against the railing. She tries to scream, but the gangsters take care of that, too.)

(Thundering music plays, before we cut to a commercial break.)

Will Maggie be saved from the Black House Gang? Or could this be... the END of the PET TAMERS? Join in next week for the exciting new chapter that just might be the end! (melodramatic sting: Dun-dun-DUNNNNNN!! Or maybe: nunh-nunh-NUNH--nunh--DUNNNNN!!)