Pet Tamers, Episode 1

There's a fun idea that's been on my mind for a while now. I wasn't planning on doing much with it, though, but it sticks with me and I can already think of a lot of ways to take it...

PET TAMERS:

EPISODE 1 - THE BEGINNING

SCENE: A LABORATORY. Light, generically upbeat music is playing. Pan to a silhouette of an OLD MAN dressed in an old lab coat and ill-fitting gloves. He stands with his back to us, speaking dramatically to the wall.

OLD MAN (excitedly rubbing his hands): It would be understatement to say I've dreamed of this moment... This moment has been the sole reason I devoted myself to science. And now --

(spinning around)

-- you shall carry my dream for me!

CUT to reveal who the man was talking to: five bored teenagers. They are: JASON, a tall, well-built guy with jet-black hair and a calm demeanor; MAGGIE, a tall, brunette girl with a slim figure; CHRIS, a blond guy with an pink T-shirt and bleached jeans; SHANA, a girl of obviously foreign yet indeterminate ethnicity; and PETE, a short boy wearing a blue and green baseball cap and a crimson shirt, completely absorbed in some handheld device that bears absolutely no resemblance to any real-life handheld device whatsoever.

JASON: Yeah, cool, so, how long does this Career Day thing last? I've got football practice to go to.

OLD MAN: It will last for but a mere hour... and also, the rest of your lives.

MAGGIE: Yeah, yeah, cut the moral mumbo-jumbo, what are we doing, anyway?

OLD MAN: Ah, the moment approaches. Step this way.

CHRIS: But we already followed you over here! Don't tell me we only came here so you could talk to the wall!

OLD MAN: No, I came here to... (dramatic camera cut to his head) ...SPEAK TO THE AGES!

MAGGIE: Huh?

OLD MAN: Nothing. Old scientist stuff. You wouldn't get it. Follow me!

The teenagers follow the old man through the building while dangerous-sounding music plays. They enter a large room with ominous scientific beakers and threatening sound effects like snapping electric arcs and dripping liquids. They approach a large table, covered by a lumpy and unshaded yellow tarp.

CLOSE-UP on the OLD MAN.

OLD MAN: Children...

MAGGIE: Hey! Don't call us kids! We're teens!

CHRIS: Yeah! That way kids can look up to us, while we don't have to pretend to know what kids like!

OLD MAN: Whatever... As you know, the Earth is in danger.

MAGGIE: Seems fine to me.

OLD MAN: The environment is being threatened by greedy land-grubbers and crazy lumberjacks!

CHRIS: Actually, there isn't really a definitive threat to the environment. If anything, it's overpopulation, poor government policy, and lack of public concern that is threatening the environment. Which would make it everyone's fault.

OLD MAN (ignoring this): The environment is threatened by crazy, selfish people! And it is up to you to stop them!

CHRIS: First of all, that'd be illegal. Second, we're too busy to go sailing around the world to save the environment.

OLD MAN: That's where you're wrong.

(turns toward the camera as optimistic music plays)

You don't have to go to far off places to help the environment. You can help save the environment right here at home! You can help your family take environmentally-safe measures by saving on electricity and water, riding bicycles or walking instead of riding cars, and participating in community drives to raise public awareness. Write to your congressman and let him know that you care about the environment. Spread the word, and become a pet tamer today!

CHRIS: Uh, you're speaking to the wall again.

OLD MAN (whipping around towards the chil teenagers): Now, look here! Here is how YOU will help defend the planet!

The OLD MAN grabs the canvas and waves it in front of the camera. CUT to just above the table. The focal length is ridiculously small. All six characters gaze downwards, mysteriously silhouetted. Suspenseful music rises.

CUT to the actual table. On the table are five cages, containing a dog, a cat, a hamster, a parakeet, and a lizard, respectively. Focal length returns to normal. Music becomes slow and accentuated by tubas. You know, those instruments that make "WUNNNNNHH WAH WAH WUNNNNH" sounds? That's what's playing right now.

SHANA (with indeterminately foreign accent): How cute!

CHRIS: What is this?

OLD MAN: For many years, I thought long and hard about how to save planet Earth from mankind's wanton destruction.

CLOSE-UP of OLD MAN.

OLD MAN: In case you didn't know, "wanton" (the word WANTON flashes onscreen) means excessive in an immoral way.

NORMAL VIEW.

CHRIS: Uh, yeah, we knew that. We do vocab in English. We're not stupid.

OLD MAN: I ruled out reform bills and lobbying, since those don't work anyway. Then I came up with the solution... (triumphantly pulls out a small metallic object, as the camera sharply zooms in and bright beams of light stream outward) ...THIS WHISTLE!

MAGGIE: A whistle?

OLD MAN: Yes. (trumpets start playing) By using scientifically advanced genetics and large amounts of magic serum, I have enabled these harmless house pets to transform into giant beasts to fight evil and save the planet! All that needs to be done is blow into these specially tuned whistles to trigger the super awesome morphing process, and the newly-formed beasts will obey the will of their whistle's blower for the good of the Earth!

CHRIS: What an incredibly stupid idea!

OLD MAN: And you children... (points his finger in the air) shall become the first to use these biologically enhanced animals. You shall become... the PET TAMERS!

A short pause, as the trumpets finish blaring.

SHANA: That sounds awesome!

CHRIS: Are you nuts? Is this a joke? Morphing into giant beasts, my a--

OLD MAN: Stop! The children!

CHRIS: What children?

OLD MAN: Ah, nothing. Science stuff. You wouldn't understand.

CHRIS: I understand that this is the weirdest, most inefficient, and completely unrealistic way of saving the environment. Not that I care about the environment, anyway.

JASON: But, Chris, we should do what we can to help out.

CHRIS: Hey, you don't seriously buy this crud, do you?

OLD MAN: (to CHRIS) Ahem! The children! (to JASON) Well, since you are clearly the leader of this group, you may have the dog.

CHRIS: Wait, leader? Group? What group? What leader?

MAGGIE: Yeah! Who said Jason's the leader? After all, I'm captain of the tennis team, and Jason's just a quarterback. Shouldn't I be the leader?

CHRIS (muttering): Probably a flagrant reinforcement of gender roles...

OLD MAN: Well, Maggie, you are a bit too arrogant for that role, but you can have the cat. Second best animal, anyway.

CHRIS: Hey, no picking sides! And how do you know our names anyway?

OLD MAN: (to Chris) As for you... well, I was going to give you the hamster, but I think Pete deserves it more than you.

PETE (looking up from his completely non-trademark-infringing handheld): Who, me?

OLD MAN: Yes. I think Chris here should get the lizard.

SHANA: Does that mean I get the bird? All right! I love birds!

CHRIS: At least someone's optimistic.

JASON (to his dog): I wonder what name I should call him. Fido? Max? Champion?

MAGGIE: I already know my cat's name. Lucy. See, she likes it already.

PETE (trying to keep the hamster from curling up on his non-trademark-infringing handheld): Hey!

MAGGIE: So, what about the whistles?

OLD MAN: They are right here.

He holds up a keychain with five whistles. As the music starts swelling, he pulls one of them off and moves it toward the camera slowly as he says:

OLD MAN: Here is your whistle...

(cut to JASON smiling as he holds the whistle in one hand while holding the whistle)

OLD MAN: Jason!

(cut to MAGGIE, in a similar position)

OLD MAN: Maggie!

(cut to SHANA, in a similar position)

OLD MAN: Shana!

(cut to PETE, holding the whistle in his mouth as both hands are on the non-trademark-infringing handheld)

OLD MAN: Pete!

(cut to... nothing)

OLD MAN: ... Chris?

Zoom out to the entire room. CHRIS is at the door.

CHRIS: Screw Career Day. I'm leaving.

JASON: Wait, Chris! (the door slams shut) ... You left your lizard! (holds up Chris's lizard)

The camera pans up. Have the Pet Tamers broken up so soon after their initiation? Only time will tell... Remember, this is just The Beginning...