Mal And Belle: Mundane Monday

Around mid-day, Mal finally woke up from his sleep.

Mal has the lifetime wish of being the emperor of evil. Therefore, it only makes sense that he wants to get a job in the criminal department.

There wasn’t a job available yesterday, but today, there’s an opening. The classifieds are weird like that.

So while Mal sets down the paper and celebrates by watching TV, work ends for Belle.

After receiving her paycheck, Belle, being good, wants to donate to charity (like Alice famously does). But Belle is tired; getting up early last night didn’t help her much. But I insist that she makes a donation so I can have her do something interesting.

Meanwhile, Mal is watching TV for ideas on potential world domination.

After a while, though, he gets hungry, and gets up to eat something, when he spots…

… the leftover salad from last night.

Having the slob trait, Mal has no qualms about eating the rotting, maggot-infested salad.

After his less-than-nutritious meal, Mal decides to get a head-start on his criminal career with some aerobic exercises…

… followed by some air guitar and gorilla poses.

Mal cools down in the shower, and then plops back onto the couch to watch something… er, non-criminal-related.

Mal and Belle: Wake-Up Call

So, we left off with Mal and Belle sleeping, after their first day.

Around 2 AM, Mal wakes up, even though he is still tired. In spite of common sense, Sims can't sleep on the sofa; the best they can do is nap for 3 hours.

After waking, Mal decides to have a midnight snack.

After that, he decides to get back to reading that romance novel. Mal doesn't feel quite as uncomfortable, now that Belle isn't watching him.

Ho ho, he's in for a surprise.

Belle comes walking in like she's possessed, sits in front of the TV, and starts watching a nature show. Mal puts his book away in great annoyance. Can't a guy just be left alone to read a book?

Eventually, sleep catches up with him, just as day breaks.

So he heads off to bed, grouchy and discontent.

Meanwhile, Belle wants to work on her charisma skill, so she can charm everyone in Congress. She starts working on her serious poses...

... and her innocent poses.

And when the carpool pulls up and honks her, she's off in a flash.

For she has a dream. A dream to unite the town, to end injustice, bring hope to mankind...

 

... to hold a beacon of light to peoples of all nations, creeds, and dress colors, to give everyone a chance to succeed...

... and most importantly, for everyone to be her closest, bestest friend!

And so, daringly, she enters the courthouse, destiny approaching her.

Wait! There's nothing in the courthouse! It's just an empty building! Ha ha ha! You just got suckered, Belle!

The Further Adventures of Par Farthing

As I promised yesterday, Par Farthing!

6 - Par begins his fantastic journey

Par: Great. Now that I'm no longer in the navy, I've got to walk all the way back home, wearing this orange jumpsuit. Couldn't the police have given me something better to wear? It smells awful. Did someone throw up on this? Boy, I'm hungry. They didn't feed me at the police station. I'll eat at this diner coming up.
(in diner) 'Scuse me, could I have something to eat?
Waiter: (gasp) There's an escapee here!!!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)

7 - Par's fantastic journey, part 2

Par: Great. They drove me all the way back to the police station, said they were sorry for the mixup, and threw back out without feeding or changing me out of this jumpsuit. What is this stain, anyway? It smells like someone was drooling on it. Oh well, I'll try some other place to eat. I'll try that fast-food restaurant.
(enters restaurant)
Cashier: Ahhhh!!! Robber!
(police lead Par into police car)

8 - Par's fantastic journey, part 3

Par: Great. They drove me back, said they were sorry, and threw me out again without feeding me or finding something else for me to wear. What's this in my pocket? It looks like a dead fly with its head chewed off. Anyways, I won't go someplace as formal as a restaurant. I'll head over to the market and buy food there.
(in market) Excuse me, could I have these oranges?
Marketer: Do you have any money?
Par: Oh, no. I forgot I needed that.
Marketer: Shoplifter!!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)

9 - Par's fantastic journey, part 4

Par: Okay, let's try this again. First, I'll go the ATM machine and withdraw some money.
ATM: PLEASE INSERT YOUR BANK CARD.
Par: Rats, my bank card was totally stolen by that robber! I'll have to go inside and make a withdrawal.
(in bank) Excuse me, could I make a withdrawal?
Teller: Here, take everything! Just don't hurt us!
Par: Hurt you? I wouldn't
Teller (on phone): Bank robber!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)

10 - Par's fantastic journey, part 5

Par: Why do the police keep arresting me, and throwing me out without giving me any money, food, or better clothing? The underside of this jumper is so thin, it's like someone's been rubbing their bottom on it. Seriously, I'm starving right now. I need something to eat right now. Say, (looks at garden) those tomatoes look ripe. I'll just casually walk by and then quickly grab one. (casually walks up, then quickly leans over)
Housewife: Burglar!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)

11 - Par's fantastic journey, part 6

Par: I wish they would just keep me in prison, even if I have to wear these clothes. At least I'd get fed. I need something else to wear. Anything to keep people from thinking I'm a robber. Hey, what's that in someone's trash can? It's a blanket! It makes me look like a beggar, but that's better than looking like a robber. This is some strange fabric, though. It's smooth, almost silky. I know I've seen these colors before. What does it remind me of?
(the American flag)
Passerby: He's wearing the flag!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)

12 - Par's fantastic journey, part 7

Par: It's hopeless. I'll never get any food or money. I can't do anything except sit here and starve.
Priest: Oh, poor man. No matter what your crime has been in the past, no man deserves such treatment. Here, have some of my bread, and some money to help you.
Par: I-I can't believe it! Someone's finally shown mercy to me! Someone's actually helping me out! Perhaps there's hope after all! Thank you, mister! You've given me something to believe in!
(Par jumps for joy, rips the thin backside of his jumpsuit, exposing his naked bum)
Passerby: Public flasher!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
Par: They already took my bread away...

Unfairness and Repentance

Yes, I've been taking a long break without posting anything. Yeah, I can do that every once in a while. No, that does not excuse my absence.

So, time to let some weight off my shoulders with some pictures!

First, here's something I noticed on Google Trends: people ask "why" a lot during the school year.

Second, here's a practice drawing I did of a shoe on Wikipedia, because I needed some practice drawing shoes:

Third, here's a cartoon of a dinner scene. That woman on the left, by the way, is checking out the man on the left:

Fourth (and fifth), here are two quick gimps I did. The first is based off an image taken from a website that had gone offline (I'm sure you're familiar with the type). The second is taken from a recent BBC photo.

Sixth (and seventh and eighth and ninth and tenth), here are some strips I got from a Garfield randomizer that I found pretty humorous:

 

And eleventh (see? eleven days? eleven pictures?), I have this creepy GIF of Gandalf from the original LOTR film:

None of the above would have justified their own post, so aren't you lucky to get all eleven in one post? Of course not. Now I can get rid of those pictures and hopefully resume posting.

Mal and Belle's first night

At this point in the game, I installed an update to the game from version 1.20 to 1.30. A side effect, however, was that all of my Sims' actions were reset. So Mal was no longer reading his romance novel, and Belle was no longer watching TV.

Belle quickly got back to the couch and checking up on the latest developments in crime, while Mal went to prepare a salad.

Mal enjoyed his meal alone. After dinner, he decided to read a book. But at that time, Belle got hungry.

The two of them sit at the table, ignoring each other. Silence filled the air.

After the silence came the screeching sounds of Belle yawning.

So she claimed the only bed in the house: a double bed.

Soon enough, Mal got tired too.

And so, desperate for a good night's sleep, he sucked up his pride and headed to the only spot in the house where he can sleep.

And it was a good sleep. Albeit a 2-hour sleep.

The Adventures of Par Farthing

This story is an affectionate tribute to Gag Manga Biyori, but less Japanocentric.

1 - Par's fateful decision

Recruiter: 'Scuse me, young man, would you be interested in joining the army?
Par: The army? What's there to do in the army?
Rec.: There are plenty of exciting skirmishes in the Pacific East that require good-looking, bold, charismatic men who will blindly follow orders.
Par: Sounds great. Where do I sign?
Rec.: You don't. (handcuff slap on Par) Off you go. (throw onto bus)
Par: Should I tell my parents?
Rec.: We'll let them know for you, whoever you were. (passerby) 'Scuse me, young man, interested in the army?

2 - Par begins a mission

Drill Sergeant: Now, private, you'd better do what I say, or I'll skin you alive and feed you to the bears!
Par: Is that legal?
DS: Don't smart-talk me, private! Get down there and give me 10!
Par: Okay, (scoop 10 rocks) here.
DS: Smart-asses like you need to be punished! Now take this load of iron pots to the outpost on that mountain, or you're heading to the Inebriated Closet!
Par: That doesn't sound too scary, but I'll do it anyway.

3 - Par encounters danger

Par: I can't help feeling I got tricked into joining the army. This is nowhere near the Pacific East, and I'm not meeting any charismatic girls who follow orders. What's this? (footprints) Someone else has been on this trail. Is it an enemy? I'll have to check. Hey. (cougar is caught in trap) Poor cat's got his leg caught. I'll free you. (opens trap) There. Go and live free amongst nature.
Cougar: (roar)
Par: Hey! Stop chasing me! I saved you! I'm sorry if I hurt you trying to free you, but (trips over root) Ahh! (rolls down slope) Ow! Ahh! Agh! Help! Someone! Help! (rolls off cliff) Wahhhhhhhh

4 - Par receives a second chance

Reporter: Three days after Par went on that hike, the army finally found him, and the drill sergeant who had sent him on that mission has been sacked. He is currently staying at the Army Medical Hospital, where the army is granting him a full military pardon.
(in hospital, uniformed man in front of Par): Sorry.
Rep.: Tell us, Par, will you continue your service in the army?
Par: If it means going to the Pacific East, then yes. It's been my dream to see the world.
Recruiter: You say you want to see the world? Would you be interested in joining the navy? You'll journey to the Far Pacific, sailing the seas and blindly following orders.
Par: Great. I'll join as soon as I leave the hospital.
Rec.: No need to wait. We'll sign you on as a disabled member. (handcuff slap on Par) Have fun. (throw on bus)
Par: It'd have only taken a week!

5 - Par makes a bold escape

Par: So this is what disabled soldiers do, fill paperwork. I'm not even on a boat, I'm just stamping forms.
Officer: Private, what is this? You're stamping outside the lines! Do them all over.
Par: But at least half of them are stamped right!
(night)
Par: I think I got tricked again. This isn't adventure, or being charismatic. At least I'm in the city, where there are no cougars. I'll have a drink. (in bar) Excuse me, bartender, could I have a drink?
Bartender: Oh, you're in the navy, aren't you? We can't serve members in here. We'd get sued if we did.
Par: Drat, (leaving) can't even get a drink.
Robber: Haha! (leaping, knife held to Par's throat) Scream, and you die. Now, take off your clothes.
Par: My what?
Robber: Do it or you die!
(some minutes later)
Robber: (dressed in Par's clothes) Ha! Now I'm a member of the navy! Now I can get off these damned streets, sail the seas, and blindly follow orders! See yah!
Par: (stark naked) Hey, give me back my clothes!
(morning)
(Par asleep, nearby policeman): Damn drunks.

The Ten Commandments of the Forum

I'm not much of a fan of forums. They irritate me beyond end. To illustrate my grudges against them, here are, in my opinion, the "ten commandments" that every forum inevitably worships:

1. You are the User, a God. Thou shalt have no other Users beside you.

• Monopolize your posts. Bulk up on posts, even if most of them are your own. Every time your threads get more then 4 hours old, add another post. You want to keep people responding to your posts and only your posts, so don't let any other wannabe users try and take over.

2. Thou shalt make for everyone graven images, whether in the likeness of a human face, or of symbolic references; thou shalt bow down and worship them.

• Put smiling emoticons, frowning emoticons, laughing emoticons, emoticons rolling in empty space, and images of beer and hearts everywhere. A good emoticon, and even a bad emoticon, can liven up any post.

3. Thou shalt make no rightful use of previous topics.

• No recycling a previous topic that was done some weeks ago, or even a few months ago. This is more than no necroposting; creating a new thread about the same subject is a no-no.

4. Forget the thread's topic and keep it holey.

• Actually, forget the whole "content" thing. Just make a joke that's barely relevant to the topic, or argue with the posts above. Do as much as you can to steer the "conversation" from the topic; leave the critical discussion for the nerds.

5. Honor thy followers only.

• Praise those who follow your twisted logic, and argue against everyone who says otherwise. Insult everyone else who tries to rebuff you with side logic; say that you were just making a point, and no one has any right to argue with you. Everyone will believe you and your comrades eventually.

6. Thou shalt murder the English language.

• talk in lower letters with wierd spelings thru out yur pst also abbr yur lang to mak it cnfsng 2 NE1 l's on teh frm lawl

7. Thou shalt commit to adult language.

• Fuck this piece of shit. Swear your ass off all over your fucking posts. Show those motherfuckers above you who can fuck the hell out of this fucking shitty excuse for a thread.

8. Thou shalt steal other people's comments.

• Say something that was already said. Say something that everyone else was already thinking. It can be brief, or you can expand it to some arbitrary length. It can be something that supposedly contributes to the forum but actually doesn't, or something that does contribute to the forum but in some obfuscatory way. Just say something that has already been said.

9. Thou shalt bear false attitudes towards the newcomers.

• Be nice to the person, but not to their posts. Be ruthless. Rip their arguments to shreds. Respond to their pleas with a "I don't mean you, you're okay, it's just your post I have trouble with". Ignore (or ridicule) the idea that perhaps some people are putting effort into their posts.

10. Thou shalt not covet your neighbors' threads.

• BORING!!!!! We've already seen this before. <groans in irritation> If I whinge about this thread long enough, maybe people will agree with me and chime in. When can we talk about something INTERESTING?

(Then again, maybe I'm empathizing with the wrong users...)

Mal and Belle finish their afternoon together

As soon as a young adult Sim moves in, they almost immediately get a wish to join a career. Mal, of course, has a lifetime wish to be the Emperor of Evil, so no guesses what his career will be. Belle, oddly, wants to be a politician. I guess she wants all the politicians to fighting each other.

So while the football game keeps playing, Belle expresses some uncertainty about the job.

Mal insists that all that happens is you make a bunch of speeches...

...and meet a bunch of diplomats from foreign and potentially unfriendly states. Hey, that's pretty good. Maybe something evil can come from all this. Mal's got something to think about.

But then Belle starts smiling, and the mood is ruined. Mal is getting annoyed by how much he's helping her.

Mal tries to ruin her positive attitude with a discussion on crime. Dangerous, you know. Criminals are everywhere. Being a politician is dangerous work...

Belle appreciates the warning, and is even happier.

Finally, Mal gets up. And he's got a good excuse, too.

After the bathroom break, Mal decides to do something besides watching TV and talking with Belle, so he heads over to the bookshop. Too bad the shelf is stocked with cheesy romance novels.

So with all the dignity he can muster, he reads back to that comfortable sofa to read.

He glares at Belle, daring her to say one word about his cheesy novel. But she's more engrossed in the news, probably keeping her eye out for important current events.