As I promised yesterday, Par Farthing!
6 - Par begins his fantastic journey
Par: Great. Now that I'm no longer in the navy, I've got to walk all the way back home, wearing this orange jumpsuit. Couldn't the police have given me something better to wear? It smells awful. Did someone throw up on this? Boy, I'm hungry. They didn't feed me at the police station. I'll eat at this diner coming up.
(in diner) 'Scuse me, could I have something to eat?
Waiter: (gasp) There's an escapee here!!!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
7 - Par's fantastic journey, part 2
Par: Great. They drove me all the way back to the police station, said they were sorry for the mixup, and threw back out without feeding or changing me out of this jumpsuit. What is this stain, anyway? It smells like someone was drooling on it. Oh well, I'll try some other place to eat. I'll try that fast-food restaurant.
(enters restaurant)
Cashier: Ahhhh!!! Robber!
(police lead Par into police car)
8 - Par's fantastic journey, part 3
Par: Great. They drove me back, said they were sorry, and threw me out again without feeding me or finding something else for me to wear. What's this in my pocket? It looks like a dead fly with its head chewed off. Anyways, I won't go someplace as formal as a restaurant. I'll head over to the market and buy food there.
(in market) Excuse me, could I have these oranges?
Marketer: Do you have any money?
Par: Oh, no. I forgot I needed that.
Marketer: Shoplifter!!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
9 - Par's fantastic journey, part 4
Par: Okay, let's try this again. First, I'll go the ATM machine and withdraw some money.
ATM: PLEASE INSERT YOUR BANK CARD.
Par: Rats, my bank card was totally stolen by that robber! I'll have to go inside and make a withdrawal.
(in bank) Excuse me, could I make a withdrawal?
Teller: Here, take everything! Just don't hurt us!
Par: Hurt you? I wouldn't
Teller (on phone): Bank robber!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
10 - Par's fantastic journey, part 5
Par: Why do the police keep arresting me, and throwing me out without giving me any money, food, or better clothing? The underside of this jumper is so thin, it's like someone's been rubbing their bottom on it. Seriously, I'm starving right now. I need something to eat right now. Say, (looks at garden) those tomatoes look ripe. I'll just casually walk by and then quickly grab one. (casually walks up, then quickly leans over)
Housewife: Burglar!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
11 - Par's fantastic journey, part 6
Par: I wish they would just keep me in prison, even if I have to wear these clothes. At least I'd get fed. I need something else to wear. Anything to keep people from thinking I'm a robber. Hey, what's that in someone's trash can? It's a blanket! It makes me look like a beggar, but that's better than looking like a robber. This is some strange fabric, though. It's smooth, almost silky. I know I've seen these colors before. What does it remind me of?
(the American flag)
Passerby: He's wearing the flag!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
12 - Par's fantastic journey, part 7
Par: It's hopeless. I'll never get any food or money. I can't do anything except sit here and starve.
Priest: Oh, poor man. No matter what your crime has been in the past, no man deserves such treatment. Here, have some of my bread, and some money to help you.
Par: I-I can't believe it! Someone's finally shown mercy to me! Someone's actually helping me out! Perhaps there's hope after all! Thank you, mister! You've given me something to believe in!
(Par jumps for joy, rips the thin backside of his jumpsuit, exposing his naked bum)
Passerby: Public flasher!!!!
(police lead Par into police car)
Par: They already took my bread away...
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