Tag Explanation

Now, tags are an untried blogging tool, one that I am prone to neglecting. So, to aid the reader and to remind myself, here are an explanation of the blogs' tags (as of writing), in alphabetical order:

• drivel: An essentially pointless post that I decided to post anyway, more on a whim than a logical decision.
• humor: An attempt at humor. Whether it actually is humorous is debatable.
• interactive fiction: Posts that relate to interactive fiction (which I dabble in occasionally). Don't hold your breath for new posts.
• internet: Posts that relate to the Internet in general.
• news: Sometimes I take news topics and react to them. These are those.
• pet tamers: My ongoing-and-offgoing parody of a kids' show.
• rant: Me whining about stuff I don't like.
• review: A post that gives my opinion on something, and pros and cons. Does not usually intersect with "rant", because a rant is typically an unfair treatment, and a review is.
• script: A story that is in script format. They don't actually follow the proper rules for writing scripts, and there's only one story that currently follows the format, but the format stands out strong enough to get its own tag.
• sims 3: A post about Sims 3. Currently used for my Mal and Belle series.
• story: A post that tells a story. Duh.
• tag explanation: This post. If I add in enough additional posts, I might throw in another tag explanation.
• thoughts: Philosophy, musings, questions, all the stuff every unfunny blog has. This usually contains all the stuff I could never work into anything else, and usually has a "drivel" tag.

Please, feel free to click on them on the right-hand side of the blog and explore this blog as you wish.

The Ten Commandments of the Forum

I'm not much of a fan of forums. They irritate me beyond end. To illustrate my grudges against them, here are, in my opinion, the "ten commandments" that every forum inevitably worships:

1. You are the User, a God. Thou shalt have no other Users beside you.

• Monopolize your posts. Bulk up on posts, even if most of them are your own. Every time your threads get more then 4 hours old, add another post. You want to keep people responding to your posts and only your posts, so don't let any other wannabe users try and take over.

2. Thou shalt make for everyone graven images, whether in the likeness of a human face, or of symbolic references; thou shalt bow down and worship them.

• Put smiling emoticons, frowning emoticons, laughing emoticons, emoticons rolling in empty space, and images of beer and hearts everywhere. A good emoticon, and even a bad emoticon, can liven up any post.

3. Thou shalt make no rightful use of previous topics.

• No recycling a previous topic that was done some weeks ago, or even a few months ago. This is more than no necroposting; creating a new thread about the same subject is a no-no.

4. Forget the thread's topic and keep it holey.

• Actually, forget the whole "content" thing. Just make a joke that's barely relevant to the topic, or argue with the posts above. Do as much as you can to steer the "conversation" from the topic; leave the critical discussion for the nerds.

5. Honor thy followers only.

• Praise those who follow your twisted logic, and argue against everyone who says otherwise. Insult everyone else who tries to rebuff you with side logic; say that you were just making a point, and no one has any right to argue with you. Everyone will believe you and your comrades eventually.

6. Thou shalt murder the English language.

• talk in lower letters with wierd spelings thru out yur pst also abbr yur lang to mak it cnfsng 2 NE1 l's on teh frm lawl

7. Thou shalt commit to adult language.

• Fuck this piece of shit. Swear your ass off all over your fucking posts. Show those motherfuckers above you who can fuck the hell out of this fucking shitty excuse for a thread.

8. Thou shalt steal other people's comments.

• Say something that was already said. Say something that everyone else was already thinking. It can be brief, or you can expand it to some arbitrary length. It can be something that supposedly contributes to the forum but actually doesn't, or something that does contribute to the forum but in some obfuscatory way. Just say something that has already been said.

9. Thou shalt bear false attitudes towards the newcomers.

• Be nice to the person, but not to their posts. Be ruthless. Rip their arguments to shreds. Respond to their pleas with a "I don't mean you, you're okay, it's just your post I have trouble with". Ignore (or ridicule) the idea that perhaps some people are putting effort into their posts.

10. Thou shalt not covet your neighbors' threads.

• BORING!!!!! We've already seen this before. <groans in irritation> If I whinge about this thread long enough, maybe people will agree with me and chime in. When can we talk about something INTERESTING?

(Then again, maybe I'm empathizing with the wrong users...)

Pet Tamers, Episode 6

I really hate to promise a continuation to something, only to draw out the anticipation week after week until everyone is certain it won't be back. But, big surprise: according to my webmaster tools, Pet tamers currently gets me the sixth slot in Google Search. So, returning once again, it's another episode of...

PET TAMERS

EPISODE 6: A Special Educational Episode

FADE UP to JASON and CHRIS standing in front of a blue background.

CHRIS: Hey, where are we?

JASON (to audience): Today's episode is brought to you by the letter "R". (A giant "R" appears)

CHRIS: What the heck does that mean?

JASON: Be on the lookout for things that start with "R" or can be described with "R" words.

CHRIS: Is this some sort of tripped-up "I Spy" game?

JASON: For example, (points to CHRIS) "rude" ("RUDE" appears onscreen) starts with "R".

CHRIS: Hey, is that a threat?

JASON: RETORT (appears onscreen) starts with "R".

CHRIS: Oh, I get it. Well, maybe I'll just stop talking.

JASON: And RELIEF (appears onscreen) starts with "R". And now, for the REST (appears onscreen, as do all subsequent words with a highlighted R) of our show.

CUT to someone's house. I still have no idea whose house it really is. Seriously, can someone from the art department tell me whose house it is?

JASON: How are we all doing on our homework? Anyone having any trouble.

PETE: No, none at all.

CHRIS: Why are we doing homework? I thought we were going to Green Peaceful Industries.

JASON: We were? What for?

CHRIS: Just last episode, we were talking with that crazy scientist, and he told us to contact that one woman who works there.

JASON: I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about.

MAGGIE: We've been spending all afternoon REVIEWING our homework.

CHRIS: And you, Maggie, why are you so calm? Weren't you in a big fuss last time?

PETE: I think you're the one getting into a fuss, Chris.

CHRIS: But I don't understand!

SHANA: I had a lot of trouble with my homework. The teacher gave me a lot of RED marks.

JASON: Why is that, Shana? Is there a REASON?

SHANA: I can't READ English very well. I'm having trouble with spelling and sentences.

JASON: Let's see if we can REVISE it. Which means, make it better.

CHRIS: Why are you two talking like that?

PETE: Just ROLL with it, Chris.

JASON: Ah, what a delightful bit of contemporary slang.

PETE: Or ignore it.

JASON: "Roll with it" means "let's accept it, and have fun with it!"

CHRIS: I always took it to mean "forgot what the hel-(a bowling ball on a previously unseen shelf suddenly dips towards the edge)-thcare(bowling ball peacefully returns to position) just happened".

JASON: But remember, using slang leads to illiteracy and poverty, so don't use it, ever.

CHRIS: But you just told us what it meant!

SHANA: See, some of my words are spelled incorrectly, but I don't know why.

JASON: Let's see... oh, here's a problem! You wrote "Written" as "Ritten". "Written" sounds like it begins with an R, but it doesn't! In fact, it starts with a "W"!

CHRIS: Everyone knows that.

JASON: A very common mistake.

CHRIS: No, it's not.

JASON: And "Wrote" also starts with a "W", as does "Wrong" and "Wrap", even though they all start with an "R" sound. Can you think of any other "W" words that sound like an "R"?

CHRIS: How about "Wreally boring"? How about "wlet me go home before I lose my wmind"?

JASON: Say, guys, do you hear those sirens?

CHRIS: What sirens?

(sirens blare in the distance)

JASON: Those sirens in the distance. I think it's a police car.

CHRIS: That's Ridiculously good hearing.

JASON: Come on, let's Run and see if we can spot where they're headed.

Everyone follows Jason outside. As they reach the sidewalk, the police car conveniently passes by them.

JASON: Follow them!

CHRIS: With what? None of us brought our cars along... come to think of it, how did we get here in the first place?

JASON: We won't make it in time if we go on foot. We'll have to use...

(JASON pulls out his dog from nowhere, and blows his whistle. Dog turns into giant wolf)

JASON: Let's go, Tiberius!

CHRIS: Tiberius... I thought he had a different name.

JASON: Nope, his name is Tiberius, and always has been. Pete, could you...

PETE: Yeah, yeah... (pulls out his hamster and his whistle. Hamster becomes bear)

JASON: Everyone, get on, and let's go.

CHRIS: So we're Riding our pets? I think you're just trying to show them off as much as possible.

JASON: Nonsense. Tiberius, Baldwin, let's go!

(TIBERIUS, carrying JASON and MAGGIE, and BALDWIN, carrying CHRIS, SHANA, and PETE, take off after the police car.)

CUT to a rich, UPPER-CLASS HOUSE. About a dozen police cars are parked outside.

INSIDE THE HOUSE, policemen flutter about. Two cops are talking to a familiar-sounding man in the DINING ROOM.

BIG MAN: No idea what you're talking about. This house's as safe as a church deacon's underpants.

COP 1: We got a tip, saying that this house is the site of a major crime gang. One that is partly Responsible for the destruction of Swaggert Tower.

BIG MAN: Are you guys kiddin' me? I'm just an ordinary businessman, livin' in this ordinary house. You think I'm the leader of a gang of criminals, out to destroy my fellow business partners?

COP 2: Just that a bunch of gangsters use this place as their hideout.

BIG MAN: Yeah, that's just what I said.

COP 1: Well, we'll give the place a quick search in the meantime, and let you know when we're through.

BIG MAN: Just don't touch anything. My stuff is Rare and valuable.

COP 1: Don't worry, sir. We don't think a Rich, successful man like you would shelter any Ruffians.

(The cops go back to their search. When no one is looking, the BIG MAN gives a knowing smile to no one in particular.)

CUT to the HOUSE'S EXTERIOR. The police lights are blaring, but no one seems to be watching the cars. TIBERIUS and BALDWIN run up to the gate entrance.

JASON: All Right.

CHRIS: I don't think a simple word like "Right" deserves to be highlighted.

MAGGIE: ... What?

JASON: Tiberius, Baldwin, transform back.

(on command, Tiberius and Baldwin turn back to normal, with an accompanying whooshing sound)

CHRIS: So, do we just Run in, and... dang it, hurry in and see what the fuss is all about?

JASON: No. We'll sneak around the building and find a Rear entrance.

CHRIS: This whole "R" thing is starting to annoy me.

MAGGIE: What R thing?

JASON: Come on, Chris, Maggie. You other two.

PETE: Should we be doing this?

JASON: What?

PETE: Going in to a place filled with cops? What if they see us?

JASON: We'll just sneak very carefully.

CHRIS: Like that will help.

JASON: Come on, guys. Let's not waste any time. There could be a Rabble of Reckless Robbers Rampaging Round their Reading Room.

CHRIS: I knew you were going to do that eventually.

JASON (slipping over the fence): Now, guys.

(MAGGIE, CHRIS, and SHANA follow JASON. PETE hesitates, but follows them.)

INSIDE THE MANSION, in a PRIVATE LIBRARY.

(Two cops are casually glancing across the shelves of books.)

COP: That book's sticking out Rather funny.

OTHER COP: Come on, let's check out the master bedroom.

COP: Wait, I have a feeling about this book...

(COP attempts to pull out the book, but instead jiggles a switch and causes a trapdoor to appear.)

IN THE DINING ROOM. COPS 1 and 2 have rejoined the BIG MAN.

COP (from other room): Hey, we found something!

COP 1 (turns to BIG MAN): So, not hiding anything, heh?

(BIG MAN says nothing. As both COPS run off, BIG MAN gives a knowing smirk.)

[Sorry it has to end in a cliff-hanger. Like last time. And the continuity was thrown out for the time being. I've made it back from the brink once, just count on it happening again.]

Mal and Belle finish their afternoon together

As soon as a young adult Sim moves in, they almost immediately get a wish to join a career. Mal, of course, has a lifetime wish to be the Emperor of Evil, so no guesses what his career will be. Belle, oddly, wants to be a politician. I guess she wants all the politicians to fighting each other.

So while the football game keeps playing, Belle expresses some uncertainty about the job.

Mal insists that all that happens is you make a bunch of speeches...

...and meet a bunch of diplomats from foreign and potentially unfriendly states. Hey, that's pretty good. Maybe something evil can come from all this. Mal's got something to think about.

But then Belle starts smiling, and the mood is ruined. Mal is getting annoyed by how much he's helping her.

Mal tries to ruin her positive attitude with a discussion on crime. Dangerous, you know. Criminals are everywhere. Being a politician is dangerous work...

Belle appreciates the warning, and is even happier.

Finally, Mal gets up. And he's got a good excuse, too.

After the bathroom break, Mal decides to do something besides watching TV and talking with Belle, so he heads over to the bookshop. Too bad the shelf is stocked with cheesy romance novels.

So with all the dignity he can muster, he reads back to that comfortable sofa to read.

He glares at Belle, daring her to say one word about his cheesy novel. But she's more engrossed in the news, probably keeping her eye out for important current events.

We Have a Little Addendum to Our Sermon

I've been feeling pretty bad about not including a real-life example in my post on Internet evangelism, but I just stumbled across one right now. Taken from here:

In the absence of an external standard, everyone's opinion of right and wrong is equal. So society must be permissive and tolerant. Because humanists believe they are just an advanced form of animal with no "afterlife" to consider, the meaning of life is to maximize pleasure.

But let's look at this with a very humanistic question: Are selfish people ultimately happy? Leo Tolstoy, one of history's most celebrated novelists, tried to find the meaning of life in sex, in gambling, in lavish living. He tried to find it in family, fathering 13 children. Ultimately, he found it in Christianity, saying, "Beware of everything which puts an obstacle between you and God." King Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible, lamented after years of experimentation: "I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind" (Ecclesiastes 1:13-14).

If the humanism meaning of life is ultimately bankrupt, it might make sense for us to trade humanism for theism - belief in God.

In return, we get a time-tested handbook for living - The Holy Bible. We begin to live in a world where good and evil are known quantities - not millions of competing opinions. And if we accept God, He will begin to work through us not to glorify our mediocre lives but to blah blah blah etc.

To a noteworthy Sims 3 story

Last Monday, Robin Burkinshaw announced that Alice and Kev was getting to be too much of a hassle, that it was slowing him down from getting any other projects done, and that the pressure of having hundreds of fans was getting to him.

The sad part is, I've seen this cycle happen before. I've even gone through it myself. Someone announces that they're just going to take a quick break to refresh themselves, that they're sure to return sometime soon, and that's the last you hear of them. They just never become comfortable with returning to their project. The memory of guilt lingers on.

Fortunately, fame and infamy haven't shamed me yet, so let's have another update on Mal and Bella.

We left Bella standing on the porch, talking with someone. Mal apparently noticed and decided to chat with the scientist about fame.

Mal, however, seems bored by this scientist's enthusiasm for insects.

So while he contemplates rocket ships, the scientist and the unawesome man share a sudden moment of intimacy.

No sooner does he walk inside, however, that he comes face to face with Bella.

She asks what he thinks of their new house.

Perhaps they could decorate this place with gems and jewels.

Mal has bigger plans, though.

Bella is naturally repulsed by this idea.

Mal thinks he's found the perfect subject to irradiate right now.

Mal sits down to watch some football. I imagine Belle's just joining him so she has something to do.

Mal comments that this is indeed a nice house.

Belle is so happy that he agrees with her. Mal's stomach sinks.

Belle looks dreamily into space, while Mal curses himself for saying something nice.

The Internet is God's Holy Pulpit

Sometimes I'll be browsing the Internet, and I come across an essay that seems like an ordinary piece, and one that I find somewhat interesting to read but then, suddenly, they sneak God in. It goes something like this:

The printing press was invented in 1440 by Gutenberg. Do you know the very first thing he printed was? It was the Bible! Yes, though there were many secular, wicked texts being written in that era, Gutenberg chose to print the Bible. He had decided to follow God's plan by spreading God's Word throughout the land. How could we follow this lesson today? When we sit down to write something, what will be our first words: words of hatred and contempt, or God's holy Word?

Ahem. Not that I find anything disreputable about evangelism, but it seems like a bait-and-switch tactic to suddenly turn in such a direction, after an otherwise secular treatise. (Actually, I don't think there were any "wicked" texts being spread back then; only monks could mass produce written works, and they would certainly not be spreading wickedness, but evangelicals tend to make up facts in order to drive home the point.)

Who invented the light bulb? If you said Thomas Edison, you would be wrong. It was actually Joseph Swan who invented the light bulb 7 years earlier. And yet, would either of them have managed to create such a spectacular device if God had not first spoken those words, "LET THERE BE LIGHT"? Who do you think the real inventor is: a human born in original sin, and God and His infinite wisdom?

By my dedication to accuracy, I'm required to say that the light bulb is a very complicated device, and there was no sole inventor. Unless you count God, the inventor of everything.

It's also unfair that I'm making up those two above examples and not citing real articles. The inspiration for this post, unfortunately, came after the seeds had been sown.

But there is one person who never forgets what he has said. Who is that person? Jesus! Jesus is God, the same God who wrote the original blog, the Bible. And Jesus came to fulfill many of His prophecies written in the Scriptures. So let's worship Him together!