Pet Tamers, Episode 6

I really hate to promise a continuation to something, only to draw out the anticipation week after week until everyone is certain it won't be back. But, big surprise: according to my webmaster tools, Pet tamers currently gets me the sixth slot in Google Search. So, returning once again, it's another episode of...

PET TAMERS

EPISODE 6: A Special Educational Episode

FADE UP to JASON and CHRIS standing in front of a blue background.

CHRIS: Hey, where are we?

JASON (to audience): Today's episode is brought to you by the letter "R". (A giant "R" appears)

CHRIS: What the heck does that mean?

JASON: Be on the lookout for things that start with "R" or can be described with "R" words.

CHRIS: Is this some sort of tripped-up "I Spy" game?

JASON: For example, (points to CHRIS) "rude" ("RUDE" appears onscreen) starts with "R".

CHRIS: Hey, is that a threat?

JASON: RETORT (appears onscreen) starts with "R".

CHRIS: Oh, I get it. Well, maybe I'll just stop talking.

JASON: And RELIEF (appears onscreen) starts with "R". And now, for the REST (appears onscreen, as do all subsequent words with a highlighted R) of our show.

CUT to someone's house. I still have no idea whose house it really is. Seriously, can someone from the art department tell me whose house it is?

JASON: How are we all doing on our homework? Anyone having any trouble.

PETE: No, none at all.

CHRIS: Why are we doing homework? I thought we were going to Green Peaceful Industries.

JASON: We were? What for?

CHRIS: Just last episode, we were talking with that crazy scientist, and he told us to contact that one woman who works there.

JASON: I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about.

MAGGIE: We've been spending all afternoon REVIEWING our homework.

CHRIS: And you, Maggie, why are you so calm? Weren't you in a big fuss last time?

PETE: I think you're the one getting into a fuss, Chris.

CHRIS: But I don't understand!

SHANA: I had a lot of trouble with my homework. The teacher gave me a lot of RED marks.

JASON: Why is that, Shana? Is there a REASON?

SHANA: I can't READ English very well. I'm having trouble with spelling and sentences.

JASON: Let's see if we can REVISE it. Which means, make it better.

CHRIS: Why are you two talking like that?

PETE: Just ROLL with it, Chris.

JASON: Ah, what a delightful bit of contemporary slang.

PETE: Or ignore it.

JASON: "Roll with it" means "let's accept it, and have fun with it!"

CHRIS: I always took it to mean "forgot what the hel-(a bowling ball on a previously unseen shelf suddenly dips towards the edge)-thcare(bowling ball peacefully returns to position) just happened".

JASON: But remember, using slang leads to illiteracy and poverty, so don't use it, ever.

CHRIS: But you just told us what it meant!

SHANA: See, some of my words are spelled incorrectly, but I don't know why.

JASON: Let's see... oh, here's a problem! You wrote "Written" as "Ritten". "Written" sounds like it begins with an R, but it doesn't! In fact, it starts with a "W"!

CHRIS: Everyone knows that.

JASON: A very common mistake.

CHRIS: No, it's not.

JASON: And "Wrote" also starts with a "W", as does "Wrong" and "Wrap", even though they all start with an "R" sound. Can you think of any other "W" words that sound like an "R"?

CHRIS: How about "Wreally boring"? How about "wlet me go home before I lose my wmind"?

JASON: Say, guys, do you hear those sirens?

CHRIS: What sirens?

(sirens blare in the distance)

JASON: Those sirens in the distance. I think it's a police car.

CHRIS: That's Ridiculously good hearing.

JASON: Come on, let's Run and see if we can spot where they're headed.

Everyone follows Jason outside. As they reach the sidewalk, the police car conveniently passes by them.

JASON: Follow them!

CHRIS: With what? None of us brought our cars along... come to think of it, how did we get here in the first place?

JASON: We won't make it in time if we go on foot. We'll have to use...

(JASON pulls out his dog from nowhere, and blows his whistle. Dog turns into giant wolf)

JASON: Let's go, Tiberius!

CHRIS: Tiberius... I thought he had a different name.

JASON: Nope, his name is Tiberius, and always has been. Pete, could you...

PETE: Yeah, yeah... (pulls out his hamster and his whistle. Hamster becomes bear)

JASON: Everyone, get on, and let's go.

CHRIS: So we're Riding our pets? I think you're just trying to show them off as much as possible.

JASON: Nonsense. Tiberius, Baldwin, let's go!

(TIBERIUS, carrying JASON and MAGGIE, and BALDWIN, carrying CHRIS, SHANA, and PETE, take off after the police car.)

CUT to a rich, UPPER-CLASS HOUSE. About a dozen police cars are parked outside.

INSIDE THE HOUSE, policemen flutter about. Two cops are talking to a familiar-sounding man in the DINING ROOM.

BIG MAN: No idea what you're talking about. This house's as safe as a church deacon's underpants.

COP 1: We got a tip, saying that this house is the site of a major crime gang. One that is partly Responsible for the destruction of Swaggert Tower.

BIG MAN: Are you guys kiddin' me? I'm just an ordinary businessman, livin' in this ordinary house. You think I'm the leader of a gang of criminals, out to destroy my fellow business partners?

COP 2: Just that a bunch of gangsters use this place as their hideout.

BIG MAN: Yeah, that's just what I said.

COP 1: Well, we'll give the place a quick search in the meantime, and let you know when we're through.

BIG MAN: Just don't touch anything. My stuff is Rare and valuable.

COP 1: Don't worry, sir. We don't think a Rich, successful man like you would shelter any Ruffians.

(The cops go back to their search. When no one is looking, the BIG MAN gives a knowing smile to no one in particular.)

CUT to the HOUSE'S EXTERIOR. The police lights are blaring, but no one seems to be watching the cars. TIBERIUS and BALDWIN run up to the gate entrance.

JASON: All Right.

CHRIS: I don't think a simple word like "Right" deserves to be highlighted.

MAGGIE: ... What?

JASON: Tiberius, Baldwin, transform back.

(on command, Tiberius and Baldwin turn back to normal, with an accompanying whooshing sound)

CHRIS: So, do we just Run in, and... dang it, hurry in and see what the fuss is all about?

JASON: No. We'll sneak around the building and find a Rear entrance.

CHRIS: This whole "R" thing is starting to annoy me.

MAGGIE: What R thing?

JASON: Come on, Chris, Maggie. You other two.

PETE: Should we be doing this?

JASON: What?

PETE: Going in to a place filled with cops? What if they see us?

JASON: We'll just sneak very carefully.

CHRIS: Like that will help.

JASON: Come on, guys. Let's not waste any time. There could be a Rabble of Reckless Robbers Rampaging Round their Reading Room.

CHRIS: I knew you were going to do that eventually.

JASON (slipping over the fence): Now, guys.

(MAGGIE, CHRIS, and SHANA follow JASON. PETE hesitates, but follows them.)

INSIDE THE MANSION, in a PRIVATE LIBRARY.

(Two cops are casually glancing across the shelves of books.)

COP: That book's sticking out Rather funny.

OTHER COP: Come on, let's check out the master bedroom.

COP: Wait, I have a feeling about this book...

(COP attempts to pull out the book, but instead jiggles a switch and causes a trapdoor to appear.)

IN THE DINING ROOM. COPS 1 and 2 have rejoined the BIG MAN.

COP (from other room): Hey, we found something!

COP 1 (turns to BIG MAN): So, not hiding anything, heh?

(BIG MAN says nothing. As both COPS run off, BIG MAN gives a knowing smirk.)

[Sorry it has to end in a cliff-hanger. Like last time. And the continuity was thrown out for the time being. I've made it back from the brink once, just count on it happening again.]