Pet Tamers, Episode 8

Authors will generally tell aspiring writers the exact same rules: write well, write often, write with a passion, and rewrite just as passionately. Now, although I've been told I write well (mostly by people who love me), and I write more frequently than anyone in my immediate family (I've checked; my sister comes close, though), and I do generally enjoy writing on a blog, I just don't rewrite well. Louis Sacher says rewriting is the key to good writing, but I enjoy the spontaneity of my work, and I think that my thoughts generally receive enough stewing time before being recorded. In my more "private" works, I'll spend more time rewriting, but for a serial parody of dumb kids' shows, good writing is not the point (which actually is the point). Also, since I do a lot of rewriting in most every work of writing I make, and a lot of regretting in every work that isn't rewritten, I think rewriting has grown on me. So, long intro over, it's time for:

PET TAMERS

EPISODE 8: Pass Key

EVENING, IN SOMEONE'S CAR. LET'S SAY JASON'S.

JASON: We're almost there.

CHRIS: I still don't want to be here.

JASON: Once we get to Green Peaceful Industries, we need to find Tricia Voigt and ask her to help us. We need allies.

CHRIS: This is pointless. We should've just called the cops.

JASON: The cops are busy. But it's as the gangsters said: they're going someplace where no one can ever find them.

CHRIS: So why are we asking Tricia for help?

JASON: Because my gut intuition tells me that whatever top-secret project she is working on, it will help us find the gangsters and free our friends!

CHRIS: That would be such a huge coincidence.

JASON: Don't worry, Chris, old buddy. We'll find them.

CHRIS: Don't call me "buddy". Ever.

The car arrives in front of the headquarters of Green Peaceful Industries.

FADE to the interior of Green Peaceful Industries. All of the workers wear bright, colorful clothing and cheery smiles. The lobby is filled with natural plants, waterfalls, and rain forest sound effects.

CHRIS: What kind of business is this?

Jason ignores the question and turns to the receptionist.

JASON: Excuse me, ma'am. Can you tell me where Tricia Voigt's office is?

RECEPTIONIST: Yes, go head down that hallway over there; it will be the second-to-last door on the right. Have a nice day.

CHRIS: That's it? You're not even going to ask if we have an appointment?

RECEPTIONIST: We at Green Peaceful Industries have time for all visitors.

CHRIS: Don't you do any work here? What gets done here?

JASON: Come on, Chris. Let's not waste any more time.

CHRIS: But I have absolutely no idea what's going on here!

Chris reluctantly follows Jason down the hallway.

Meanwhile, in a PRISON CELL, the two gangsters Russ and Miles sleep in their cell.

Miles shifts in his cot slightly, then opens his eyes. A noise is coming from the floor.

He groggily bends over, puts his head to the floor, and jumps back when the tip of a pickaxe pierces through the floor.

MILES: What the-

The hole gets bigger, about the size of a quarter. A voice whispers:

VOICE: Hey, you. I'm getting you out.

MILES: You... you are?

VOICE: Yeah. Get your friend up as quietly as you can while I get this hole bigger.

Miles tiptoes to Russ's cot, and nudges him slightly.

MILES: Hey, Russ. Wake up. Someone's here.

RUSS (loudly): Don't just stand there, get them!

MILES: No, quiet, Russ! Someone's here to free us!

RUSS (louder): Why, those stupid kids! They had to leave us behind!

MILES: Wake up, you stupid fool! Be quiet!

RUSS: Huh? What? Where am I? Stop touching me, Miles! You can do that in your own time.

MILES: Someone's breaking us out.

RUSS: They are? ... Well, I told you something would happen.

The hole is now fairly wide, but the mysterious helper has not revealed himself.

VOICE: Come on, hurry before the guards notice.

INSIDE THE HOLE, it is still dark. The SHADOWY FIGURE stands to the side, while the dark figure of MILES appears from above.

MILES: Oof!

VOICE: Careful!

MILES: I can't see a thing!

VOICE: Just follow my voice.

RUSS lands beside MILES.

MILES: Why are you helping us? Who are you?

VOICE: I am your friend. The Mallards know you betrayed them. You'll need all the friends you can get.

MILES: You know we are members of the Mallards?

VOICE: "Were" members. Come, and I will explain everything.

RUSS and MILES follow the VOICE.

INSIDE the HALLWAY of GREEN PEACEFUL INDUSTRIES:

CHRIS: See, that's where I'm confused. We couldn't have visited that scientist before you attacked those gangsters, because nobody had any idea what I was talking about. But we couldn't have visited him afterwards, because nobody besides us could have visited him.

JASON: You do a lot of frivolous thinking. Do you know what "frivolous" means?

CHRIS: Yes, I know what "frivolous" means. I am a high-schooler, you know.

JASON (stopping): Here we are.

A name plate on the door reads "Tricia Voigt".

JASON: Tricia Voigt.

CHRIS: Thanks, I can read just fine.

JASON opens the door, which echoes ominously in the pitch-black empty room.

CHRIS: You should knock first.

JASON: Hello? Ms. Voigt?

There is no reply, though the sounds of typing echo from within the room.

CHRIS: Excuse us, ma'am, do you mind if we turn on the lights?

JASON (entering): Tricia?

CHRIS: I think she would have heard us the first time. She's probably not in.

JASON continues into the room, and CHRIS helplessly follows.

They enter the darkness, footsteps echoing in the dark, and typing growing louder.

PAN across the room to reveal a small patch of light from a computer screen. ZOOM in on the screen, and a dark figure sitting in front of it becomes apparent.

JASON: Tricia?

FIGURE: Hmm?

The FIGURE turns in her seat, dramatic lighting awash her face.

FIGURE: Oh, sorry.

The FIGURE turns on a nearby light switch, revealing that the expansive room was really no more than 10 feet long, and is in fact an ordinary office.

TRICIA: I was just playing on the computer; I prefer playing in the dark. Sorry I didn't hear you come in, I just can't figure out what to do with these cards.

JASON: So you're Tricia Voigt?

TRICIA: Yes?

JASON: Did you know a scientist named Eno?

TRICIA: Eno? Eno, Eno. No, no Eno.

JASON: He told us you were working on a top-secret project for Green Peaceful Industries.

TRICIA: Then I suppose you wouldn't be surprised if I said I had no idea what you were talking about?

JASON: No, it's all...

CHRIS: Ha ha, I see what you did there. Come on, Jason, she's not going to tell us. Let's leave her alone.

JASON: You were a student of us. He was the one who gave us these whistles!

TRICIA: Whistles?

CHRIS: Oh, dear. You just have to drag her into it.

JASON: We're the Pet Tamers. Well, two of them. Our job is to--

CHRIS (interrupting): Can I hide in the corner and pretend I don't exist for a few minutes?

JASON (con't): --save the world by blowing into these special whistles and turn our pets into super-powered champions!

TRICIA (placidly): Really?

JASON: Yes, really. Do you know what "placidly" means?

TRICIA: ... What?

JASON: Because you said that rather placidly.

TRICIA: Oh. Well, not only do I not believe you, however much it would make sense given the recent disasters and sightings throughout town, but I have also never heard of Eno or scientists making whistles.

JASON: But you have to believe us! And you have to help us get our friends back!

TRICIA: I don't even know who you are.

JASON: I'm Jason. And this is Chris.

TRICIA: Last names?

JASON: Oh, they're not important.

TRICIA: Well then.

JASON: No, they were never important. Our last names wouldn't have any meaning to you or to anyone.

TRICIA: If you say so.

JASON: All right then. My name is Jason Key. And over there is Chris Smith.

CHRIS: My last name is Jackson.

JASON: Well, now it's Smith. So will you help us, Tricia?

TRICIA: Look, I appreciate your interest in me, but I'm not interested.

JASON: Okay then. Let's go, Chris.

CHRIS: What, you're not going to shake her down?

JASON: She'll join us later.

CHRIS: You say that so calmly, so resolvedly.

JASON: You mean, placidly. Do you know what "placidly" means?

CHRIS: Oh, shut up.

MEANWHILE, at A WAREHOUSE far from the prison, the strange FIGURE emerges, remaining in silhouette. RUSS and MILES walk out, looking around for danger.

FIGURE: My advice for you: find out where the Mallards are staying, and then stay as far away from that place as possible. Change your identities if needed. Most importantly, get someone to protect you.

MILES: You haven't told us who you are, and why you're helping us.

FIGURE: I am a friend. That is all you need to know.

RUSS: We need to know who you're working for, or at the very least some assurance that this is not a trap.

FIGURE: I'm afraid I can't give you either. But I can tell you where to go for now.

RUSS: Where?

FIGURE: The airport, tomorrow at half past ten. Dress properly. Until we meet again, gentlemen.

MILES: Wait! Even if you can't tell us your name, can you give us something we can call you?

FIGURE: You can call me X.

RUSS: X?

FIGURE: Deus X.

The FIGURE bounds away into the encroaching night.