Pet Tamers, Episode 9

Well, this episode goes without saying. Except that you’re going to need to start reading from the first episode before this will make sense.

PET TAMERS

Episode 9: Cross Sections

JASON’S HOUSE. AFTERNOON.

CHRIS: You know, it’s been how many days since Maggie, Shana and Pete got kidnapped, and no one’s been talking about it at all.

JASON: The police have probably been keeping this under wraps.

CHRIS: You can’t keep a kidnapping under wraps. What about their parents? What about their friends?

A serendipitous knock on the door.

JASON: Who could that be?

Jason opens the door. Standing there is CHELSEA, who was last seen in Episode 3.

CHELSEA: What did you two do to her?

JASON: To who?

Chris suddenly looks up.

CHELSEA: Maggie. She wasn’t at school today, and no one said anything. You two did something to her, didn’t you?

JASON: See, Chris, someone noticed.

CHRIS: You didn’t say it.

JASON: Say what?

CHRIS: Whom. You said “to who”, not “to whom”. You made a mistake! You just made a grammatical mistake! Ha! This is awesome.

The words WHO and WHOM appear onscreen.

CHRIS: Wait, no! No! I take that back!

JASON: “Who” and “whom” are two commonly confused words. They both ask about which person you’re talking about, but how do you know which to use?

While Jason was talking, the background has changed from Jason’s living room to a white, featureless room, with Chris being the only other person with Jason.

CHRIS: No! I don’t want this to be educational! Turn it back!

JASON: The answer is the prepositions. If there aren’t any prepositions like “to” or “from” at the beginning or the end, then you use “who”. Otherwise, use “whom”. Just look at these two sentences.

Two sentences appear with blanks: ____ ARE YOU? and ____ ARE YOU TALKING TO?

CHRIS: Oh, why? Why do you do this?

JASON: Chris, can you tell me which word to use in each sentence?

CHRIS: What are you, Jason? And who are you talking to?

JASON: Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong. The first is WHO are you, but the second one is WHOM are you talking to, because of the “to” at the end.

CHRIS: Knock it off with the education thing! Hey kids! You use “he” for guys, and “she” for girls, but what if you don’t know if the person is a guy or girl? You could say “it”, but that would be impersonal and rude, so you combine all three pronouns together and say “shi-

JASON: YOU IMBECILE!!!

The white background is replaced with a black background. Chris is suddenly suspended over a pit of spikes, while a long sharp spike is pointed directly at his throat. Jason stares and floats ominously overhead.

JASON: Don’t you EVER try to ruin THIS SHOW! Don’t you EVER say such naughty words, or MOCK MY WHOLESOME LESSONS!

CHRIS: Where am I? What (gags and chokes, as Jason’s stare intensifies)

JASON: If you EVER cross me AGAIN, you will be GONE from this show. FOREVER. DO YOU HEAR ME?

The spike edges closer and closer to Chris’s throat.

CHRIS (turning blue): Y-y-gah-uh-yehhsssggg…

JASON: Good. (the background becomes lighter again, Jason faces the audience) Nothing happened, kids. You didn’t see anything scary happening. I mean, look at me. Don’t I look like a nice guy? You can trust me, right, kids? Oh, by the way, you’d say, “he or she”, and never “they”.

CHELSEA: They what?

The background is once again Jason’s living room. Chris lies in the floor, gasping for breath, Jason stands as before, and Chelsea looks curiously at the two.

JASON: Nothing, Chelsea. We were just about to go looking for her ourselves. Right, Chris?

CHRIS: R-right. (gasps)

CHELSEA: Did Chris pass out all of a sudden? He was fine a second ago.

JASON: Oh, Chris is just like that. He’s always doing silly stuff. Don’t you, Chris?

CHRIS: (stands) No, no I don’t. He—(suddenly slips and falls)

JASON: See? That’s our Chris.

CHELSEA: Look, I don’t care much about what you two are doing. But if you have any idea where Maggie is, then I’m coming along.

JASON: But Chelsea, it could be dangerous. They’re being held hostage by an evil gang of criminals.

CHELSEA: Er… I’m not going to ask why and how, but Maggie’s my friend, and I have to make sure she’s safe. Plus, I have something I have to tell her.

JASON: What’s that?

CHELSEA: (pulls out Maggie’s cat Lucy) That I finally found her cat.

Jason looks at Lucy, and then smiles.

JASON: Come on, Chris. I’ve got an idea.

CHRIS: Good, good. It’s good that you come up with good ideas. All good.

CHELSEA: I hope he isn’t always going to be like this.

JASON: Oh, you’ll get used to it.

MUSIC PLAYS, FADE IN FADE OUT to the AIRPORT.

MILES: Well, here we are at the airport. What now?

RUSS: Mr. X told us to go to the airport and dress properly.

MILES: What do you think he meant by “dress properly”?

MAN (offscreen): Blast!

Miles and Russ turn towards the sound. Two familiar-looking men are here, standing over a broken suitcase.

IMPORTANT-LOOKING MAN: Darn you, Benkley! I told you to handle those suitcases carefully!

BENKLEY: Sorry, sir. But a disassembled jetpack is very heavy.

MAN: Well, then just leave it! We’re going to miss our flight, and I have plenty of money for another jetpack. Too bad I don’t have enough money for a new valet!

BENKLEY (as the two rush off): Frankly, sir, did I ever mention how much I love this job?

Miles and Russ watch the two men walk off. They turn towards the suitcase and head towards it.

RUSS: Disassembled jetpack, heh? And look, a carrying capacity of two.

MILES: Talk about a lucky break.

RUSS: But wait. There’s no fuel in it. We need to get some jet fuel.

MILES: Well, this is an airport...

CUT to a MAINTENANCE ROOM. MILES and RUSS are wearing maintenance uniforms, looking around while a thick hose pumps jet fuel into the fuel tank of the jetpack.

MILES: This was actually pretty easy.

RUSS: Just so long as those maintenance guys don’t wake up.

GUARD (walking onscreen): Hey! You two! Do you work here?

RUSS: Why, of course we do.

GUARD: Could I see some ID?

Russ digs into his pocket and quickly hands him the ID. The guard studies it carefully.

GUARD: Wait, you look nothing like this guy!

The guard looks up, but Russ and Miles and the jetpack are gone, leaving only the hose leaking jet fuel.

GUARD: Gah!

The guard races over to the pipe control valve, desperately trying to shut off the hose. He fumbles with the various hoses, trying figure out which of the several dozen hoses leads to the working hose. He starts handling the valves, testing each one in succession until one of them turns easily, shutting the hose off. Satisfied, he then pulls up his radio.

GUARD: Security! Two unknown individuals running up Runway 6!

The guards rush into the maintenance room and out onto the runway, but Miles and Russ have already started their takeoff. The guards pull out their guns and start shooting, but the two gangsters have just barely managed to get away.

MILES: Good thing that guard spent all that time trying to shut off the valve, instead of trying to stop us.

RUSS: Yes. If he had just called in, there’s no way we could have outrun the mass of security guards running after us.

MILES: In fact, if they hadn’t been so prompt, and waited until you were struggling with the jetpack to show up, it would have been a really sad statement about the security of our airports.

RUSS: Speaking of jetpacks, do you know how to drive this thing?

MILES: Me? How should I know how a jetpack works? Besides, you’re doing a pretty good job right now.

RUSS: I’m just pushing whichever buttons get us out of here.

MILES: Well, don’t stop. We’ve got a long way to go to get out of here.

Miles and Russ ride off. Don’t worry, the payoff to this arc will come eventually.