This story is an affectionate tribute to Gag Manga Biyori, but less Japanocentric.
1 - Par's fateful decision
Recruiter: 'Scuse me, young man, would you be interested in joining the army?
Par: The army? What's there to do in the army?
Rec.: There are plenty of exciting skirmishes in the Pacific East that require good-looking, bold, charismatic men who will blindly follow orders.
Par: Sounds great. Where do I sign?
Rec.: You don't. (handcuff slap on Par) Off you go. (throw onto bus)
Par: Should I tell my parents?
Rec.: We'll let them know for you, whoever you were. (passerby) 'Scuse me, young man, interested in the army?
2 - Par begins a mission
Drill Sergeant: Now, private, you'd better do what I say, or I'll skin you alive and feed you to the bears!
Par: Is that legal?
DS: Don't smart-talk me, private! Get down there and give me 10!
Par: Okay, (scoop 10 rocks) here.
DS: Smart-asses like you need to be punished! Now take this load of iron pots to the outpost on that mountain, or you're heading to the Inebriated Closet!
Par: That doesn't sound too scary, but I'll do it anyway.
3 - Par encounters danger
Par: I can't help feeling I got tricked into joining the army. This is nowhere near the Pacific East, and I'm not meeting any charismatic girls who follow orders. What's this? (footprints) Someone else has been on this trail. Is it an enemy? I'll have to check. Hey. (cougar is caught in trap) Poor cat's got his leg caught. I'll free you. (opens trap) There. Go and live free amongst nature.
Cougar: (roar)
Par: Hey! Stop chasing me! I saved you! I'm sorry if I hurt you trying to free you, but (trips over root) Ahh! (rolls down slope) Ow! Ahh! Agh! Help! Someone! Help! (rolls off cliff) Wahhhhhhhh
4 - Par receives a second chance
Reporter: Three days after Par went on that hike, the army finally found him, and the drill sergeant who had sent him on that mission has been sacked. He is currently staying at the Army Medical Hospital, where the army is granting him a full military pardon.
(in hospital, uniformed man in front of Par): Sorry.
Rep.: Tell us, Par, will you continue your service in the army?
Par: If it means going to the Pacific East, then yes. It's been my dream to see the world.
Recruiter: You say you want to see the world? Would you be interested in joining the navy? You'll journey to the Far Pacific, sailing the seas and blindly following orders.
Par: Great. I'll join as soon as I leave the hospital.
Rec.: No need to wait. We'll sign you on as a disabled member. (handcuff slap on Par) Have fun. (throw on bus)
Par: It'd have only taken a week!
5 - Par makes a bold escape
Par: So this is what disabled soldiers do, fill paperwork. I'm not even on a boat, I'm just stamping forms.
Officer: Private, what is this? You're stamping outside the lines! Do them all over.
Par: But at least half of them are stamped right!
(night)
Par: I think I got tricked again. This isn't adventure, or being charismatic. At least I'm in the city, where there are no cougars. I'll have a drink. (in bar) Excuse me, bartender, could I have a drink?
Bartender: Oh, you're in the navy, aren't you? We can't serve members in here. We'd get sued if we did.
Par: Drat, (leaving) can't even get a drink.
Robber: Haha! (leaping, knife held to Par's throat) Scream, and you die. Now, take off your clothes.
Par: My what?
Robber: Do it or you die!
(some minutes later)
Robber: (dressed in Par's clothes) Ha! Now I'm a member of the navy! Now I can get off these damned streets, sail the seas, and blindly follow orders! See yah!
Par: (stark naked) Hey, give me back my clothes!
(morning)
(Par asleep, nearby policeman): Damn drunks.
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